Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
