dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
