Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize