Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
