all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
