operation harelip BJ is a go
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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