if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
