So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
