she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
