and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
