I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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