Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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