Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
