weddingsv make me drug and hornr
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have fence marks all over my body
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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