I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
