The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
