im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
