I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
