Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
