I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
