areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
