How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
