please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
