is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
