just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
