What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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