You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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