Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
