Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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