Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
