I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
