Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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