i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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