We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
