Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
