I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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