hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
