i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
