so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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