I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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