She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
