This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
