If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
