Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
now i know why i became what i already was.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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