This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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