He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
