So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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