Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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