I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
