I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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