who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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