She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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