But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
