No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
