there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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