K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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