am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
