I heard we made out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
its liver damage thursday
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize