he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
