if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
