So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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