just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
