why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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