does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
