you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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