I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
