end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
