If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
