She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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