I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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