I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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