Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
