Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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